Let’s try this again, yeah?

It was a year and a few days ago that I made my introductory post.

I had the best of intentions to continue writing and to really make a solid place for myself online but life and illness, as always, had it’s own ideas.

A lot has changed since then and I unknowingly, was going from my normal level of severity to even more severe.

Lately, I’ve been reading other people’s blogs who live this kind of life; a life in the slow lane. Those who are also battling illness and trying to exist in a world that wasn’t really made for people like us.

There is so much sadness, a massive amount of pain and grieving but I also see where we’re courageous, ingenius and truly astounding humans.

But that isn’t enough is it?

We don’t live in a movie where the pain and suffering has significant reasoning and a solid solution in the end.

At least not yet.

If there is one wish I could have granted, it would be that those of us so devestatingly ill could have our health back.

See, it’s December and this time of the year always gets me thinking of the beginning. Those first few years spent so severely ill that I was sure I would die if it were not by the grace of God.

I’ve been sick since the end of 2009/early 2010.

2017 is coming to an end and I can say two things: in the beginning I didn’t expect to survive through the initial onslaught of severe illness and I sure did not expect to continue to be debilitatingly ill for so many years.

I also didn’t expect to gain a couple of close friends who were so wonderful and supportive, to become married to such a kind and amazing person or to finally find diagnoses to the illnesses that have plagued me for years and were dismissed by so many doctors – M.E., MCAD, Dysautonomia.

The past near 8 years have been heart breaking, brutal, beautiful and like a continuous state of rebirth.

I’ve survived them but then again, I have had no other choice.

I, like so many others, was forced to learn how far the body will bend and how much it can break and how little we can do to prevent it let alone, fix it.

Every year, I feel is a testiment to the strength of my soul and the extraordinary thing we call the human body.

I’m hopeful, almost always remaining so, that I can heal to a better state. Here’s to another year, for all of us.





2 thoughts on “Let’s try this again, yeah?

  1. You write so beautifully, it breaks my heart and leave me full of so many contradictory emotions. I too have taken a brutal downturn recently. It’s definitely like, can I get a witness? Sometimes the body is unbelievably cruel. But despite everything we are still here. I hope today’s a better day for you.
    Oh by the way, hi from the central coast of California *waves*!


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